An ode of English Plural.
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and there would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out, and
In which an alarm goes off by going on.
And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and there would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out, and
In which an alarm goes off by going on.
And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
Mon Aug 21, 2017 7:03 pm by daffyd
» Wuzfuz and his music
Thu May 11, 2017 3:02 pm by Willows
» The world's Most Beautiful Horse
Sat Mar 18, 2017 1:49 pm by Glad E Olah
» Loads of Laughs
Tue Oct 18, 2016 6:32 pm by daffyd
» Gerraway!
Tue Oct 18, 2016 6:05 pm by daffyd
» Daffyd's Video Shack
Mon Aug 01, 2016 6:18 pm by daffyd
» Pompeii - Eruption of Mt Vesuvius
Fri Mar 25, 2016 7:35 pm by daffyd
» About Religion.
Thu Mar 24, 2016 8:19 pm by daffyd
» A Farmer of our time
Wed Mar 23, 2016 6:53 pm by daffyd
» Our Sun is Beautiful
Tue Feb 23, 2016 10:24 pm by islandgrl
» Spiced Beverage
Tue Feb 23, 2016 12:00 am by islandgrl
» TEA BAGS
Mon Feb 22, 2016 11:53 pm by islandgrl
» It's That Time Again
Mon Feb 22, 2016 10:02 pm by islandgrl
» Thanksgiving Poem
Thu Nov 26, 2015 11:15 am by Glad E Olah
» Guevedoces
Tue Oct 27, 2015 1:27 pm by Glad E Olah
» DESIDERATA
Tue Jul 14, 2015 5:57 pm by daffyd
» Ruby Shoes
Sun Jul 12, 2015 1:41 am by islandgrl
» Insane
Sun Jul 12, 2015 1:25 am by islandgrl
» Glad's 2015 Garden
Mon Jun 08, 2015 10:28 pm by Glad E Olah
» Facts of which you are unaware!
Sat Apr 25, 2015 7:17 pm by daffyd
» THE BACK NINE!
Sat Apr 18, 2015 7:33 pm by daffyd
» Daffyd's Disco
Mon Apr 06, 2015 7:05 pm by Windwalker
» Where Are They Now?
Thu Feb 26, 2015 2:38 pm by Windwalker
» Ye Olde Photo Shoppe
Thu Feb 26, 2015 2:36 pm by Windwalker
» Glass Totems
Fri Feb 06, 2015 12:08 am by islandgrl