Humor

My wife has a good sense of humor but it is not as weird as mine. Sometimes if I tell her a joke that I find amusing, she looks at me and says' "I don't don't get it."




http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/politics/article/1073367--men-are-not-much-funnier-than-women-after-all-study-finds

FAMOUS PAINTING STOLEN

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.

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After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van.
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However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
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When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied,
"Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.


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I had no Monet

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to buy Degas


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to make the Van Gogh"

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See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.

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I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse.








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I like your sense of humour wuzfuz!

Subject: Newfoundland Painter
A Newfoundland painter by the name of Skipper Drover, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.

Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him in Long Harbour for his paintings.

One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo and asked Skipper if he would paint her in the nude.

This was the first time anyone had made this request and it had Skipper a bit perturbed.

The beautiful lady told him that money was no object; in fact, she was willing to pay up to $50,000.

Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Skipper asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Rose, his missus.

In a few minutes he returned and said to the lady, "T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus.

The wife says it's okay. I'll paint ya in da nude, but I has ta leave me socks on so I has a place to wipe me brushes…".

Thanks for the laughs wuzfuz!

My new medicine cabinet

http://www.winemakingtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10244

What's in a name?

My wife's maiden name was Booth.

Her Father used to say he didn't know if we were descendants of the founder of the Salvation Army or the man who killed Abraham Lincoln. True

wuzfuz wrote:http://blogs.fanbox.com/SinglePost.aspx?pbid=1956797&post=2440696&mode=&link=-1&page=-1&dt=010108&mlid=-1&vet=-1&src=-1&bts=2&fs=-1&apid=-1

His first and last!!!

Worst mistake he ever made.

Abraham Lincoln said to his wife one evening. "I'm bored. Lets go to the theatre tonight."

An English Aristocratic woman and her husband are attending a Ball in a Castle.

She develops a headache. Husband tells her to go home and he will come home later.

Finds their butler walking around dressed in her clothes

Says " Jeeves, Take off my clothes"





"And if I find you wearing them again, I will fire you"

I went to a Kennel Club. It was very exclusive.
There was sign out front. "No dogs allowed"

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like has never washed a dog.

The other day I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One of them says "How do you like that"! Pay toilets.

Definition of a WASP.
Someone who thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

Seniors Bus Tours

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a
highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She
offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up.


After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she
hands him another handful of peanuts.


She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again ....he asks the
little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.

'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year.

A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.

"My love," he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings.

Besides that, we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be tempted?"

So his wife sent him back a Harmonica saying, "why don't you learn to play this?"

Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife, "Darling" he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!"

She kissed him and said, "But first, let's see you play that Harmonica."

Government Investigates farmer !


DON'T MESS WITH FARMERS

The Government of Ontario Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small farmer was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

GOV'T AGENT: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."

FARMER: "Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

GOV'T AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."

FARMER: "That would be me."