Tete-a-tete
It has been a while since we had a little chat. We have a lot to catch up on.
For instance..... Keeping in shape, you gotta keep in shape. My grandmother taught me that. Do you know she started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is ninety seven now and we don't know where the hell she is.
I was in a shop the other day and I overheard a sales lady saying, "Now I can only please one person a day and today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking too good either." She then turned to her colleague and carried on with her conversation."As I was saying, men are like fine wine, they all start out as grapes and it is your job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you would want to have with dinner. Men my dear, are like coffee. The best ones are rich, warm and keep you up all night. A lot of men these days are like lava lamps, they are amusing to watch, but not very bright."
Listen you guys if your wife was yelling and hammering at the front door and the dog was scratching and barking at the back door, who should you let in first?
The dog dummy, because once you let it in you know it will shut up.
I was telling a neighbour how I apprehended a burglar as he was trying to break into his house whilst he was on holiday. The burglar was half way through an enlarged cat-flap when I gave him a good hard kick up the a*** "Rectum, rectum!" said my neighbour. "Wrecked him? I varn nye killed him."
Do you know my neighbour is so stupid he couldn't pass a blood test. Why he even took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept. His wife is just as bad she put lipstick on her forehead, she was trying to make-up her mind. She is so ugly that they did not bother to give her a costume when she tried out as an extra for Star Wars. And old, why she is so old that when she went to school they did not have any History classes.
Do you guys know why women have smaller feet than men?
So that they can get closer to the stove.
Here is a tip for you young single guys, don't spend two pounds having your shirt dry cleaned. Donate it to the Salvation Army. They wash it, iron it, put it on a hanger and you can buy it back for 75 pence.
You know, I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Now suppose you are an idiot, and suppose you are a Member of Parliament........... forgive me I repeat myself.
But enough about me........... how do you think our little tete - a - tete went..... you didn't have much to say....... cat got your tongue has it?
Mon Aug 21, 2017 7:03 pm by daffyd
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